Facing Surrender

I just experienced my first facial. I have always wanted to have one because of tension I know I hold in my face but recently my skin has been breaking out in a way it never has before so I thought it was time to try it out.

I’ve had massages in the past. It's a very vulnerable experience when you really think about it. You're laying naked, face-down on a table, while a stranger touches you. While they sometimes can feel great I am, at times, tense and uncomfortable not knowing what they're doing. Or because I have an understanding of the muscles I typically want them to work on certain muscles in certain ways. I've quite frequently wished I could somehow be standing over my own body to work on the muscles myself. In otherwords, I want the control. At some point I inevitably realize that enough time has passed for this to probably be over soon and I begin to panic that I haven't relaxed yet. I leave feeling a bit of regret for not allowing myself to be in the moment and not feeling as relaxed as I probably could. It somehow has never occurred to me that this is what surrender is all about.

This time I'm laying on a soft, warm table in a low-lit room, with my face exposed and no idea what to expect. I was starting to panic over my inability to relax and began down that same familiar spiral as in a massage. I decided, “God, let's talk.” I reflected on that table. I noted how much of my trust I put in this table. I was not bracing for it to break under my weight at any point. I was not tempted to put one foot on the ground or even request to lay on the floor. I was fully trusting that table to hold me without a second thought.

I asked Jesus to help me trust Him more.

Points of Pain

A few moments of the facial passed. They were awkward, then nice and relaxing, then a little weird. Suddenly she began scraping away at my skin. She had told me beforehand she would remove dead skin and if she saw any pimples she would pop them. But that didn't prepare me for the first unexpected sting followed by a series of sings in the same area. Then she moved on, scraping away the dead skin. A few more times she paused from scraping my face to pop a pimple. Some that were obvious and some I could only feel under my skin but weren't obvious on the surface yet. I found myself tempted to ask for a warning before she popped a pimple but I was struck by the thought, “How often is that life?” Often we live in comfort (the massaging and warm towels). Life also a lot of the time is just slightly uncomfortable but tolerable (the scraping away of dead skin), and occasionally we experience and unexpected sting of pain. This pain, while not pleasant, was to be expected and was for a greater good. I knew she only had my skin's best interest in mind.

After a while I began to see some signs that pain might be on the horizon. But tensing for the pain each time would have taken away from the times there wasn't pain. And before I knew it she was wrapping my face in a warm towel and massaging my neck and shoulders. My blemishes exposed, my dead skin wiped away, and comfort was now being offered for the pain that caused.

In Hot Water

While the hot towel was over my face with a small hole for my mouth and nose, she also had steam directed at my face. I found that uncomfortable when I tried taking a deep breath. She did say beforehand to tell her if the steam ever becomes too much. But I was able to adapt and realize this just isn't a time for easy breathing. This is a time for cleansing and purifying. Then I realized steam comes from hot water and thats often an expression we use at stressful points in our lives when we find ourselves “in hot water.” It was not easy to breathe but when I surrendered the idea of deep breathing and focused instead on how the steam was purifying me the experience shifted into something entirely different.

Trust.

Now remember, my eyes remained closed throughout the entire process. I couldn't see anything coming. But she could see. And what's more, she could see beyond what I could (even if I did have the ability to look at what she was looking at). She knows more about the skin than I do. I had to trust. I then began to hear a small still “trust.”

When I started to feel my headband slip and worried the oils would get in my hair… “trust.”

When I felt her hands leave me not knowing when or where or how they would return… “trust.”

When I wondered if she was going to disinfect the areas she was exposing… “trust.”

My Will Vs His

While she was massaging my shoulders and neck I remembered I've always wanted my jaw worked on. I have a tendency to clench my jaw and the muscles involved get very tight. I debated that message of trust but also remembered she invited me to speak up anytime so I asked and received. As the massage progressed to my face and head I realized it was likely she was going to get those muscles anyway but there was no harm in asking. God invites us to ask Him for things but with the acceptance that ultimately His will be done.

Then she moved down to my hands and arms. I was pleasantly surprised how incredible that felt. I had no idea so much tension was in that part of my body. Once again, I was struck by similarities in surrender. She knew what my body needed without me having to ask.

Let Go and Let God

At the end I asked God to help me trust Him like this.

Living a life of total surrender does not mean you won't have human emotions. There were things she did that took me by surprise. I flinched and winced at times. But that comes with the territory of being exposed and vulnerable. The fact remained she was in control and she knew better. When we feel anxiety and depression these human emotions are nothing to be ashamed of or pushed away. But the distinction comes from what you do with them. Will you dwell on them and rob yourself of the joy during good times with anticipation of that pain? Or will you surrender? Feel the pain when it comes and know that God, your Father, can use it for His glory and yours. He will not prevent all pain. He will allow times of purification when it feels hard to breath. But He ultimately has your best interest in mind. He wants you to trust Him so that He can take care of the things you can't see.

I laid there in awe at the lesson God was showing me through this facial and began to think about sharing it with a friend who just expressed some struggles with anxiety. In fact, she was anxious about the potential of anxiety in the future. I’ve known her a long time and am certain she would not hear me through if I said “give it all to Jesus! Surrender to Him!” Then I was struck by one final realization. As I lay having my facial, I am doing nothing here. She was doing all of the work. I had to do nothing. I don't have to plan what I'm going to say just speak. God will work through me. And He sees what I don't.

He’s Got Your Back

She concluded the session by talking me through three deep breaths. With each one I included my surrender prayer.

Inhale: Jesus I surrender my life to you,

Exhale: Take care of everything.

She asked me to sit up then placed a warm towel over my back and shoulders. I received that as if it was a warm hug from Jesus who had me in his arms saying “I got your back”